For Happy Marriage, we have seen in my earlier blog
that there is only one rule:
UNDERSTAND THE OTHER AND ACCEPT THE WAY HE/SHE IS
In this article I shall discuss my 2nd recommendation for Happy Marriage.
RECOMMENDATION 2: DON’T BE JUDGMENTAL
As a Marriage Counselor, I have experienced another very common reason of unhappiness among couples and that is
We Become Judgmental.
We can understand from our experience.
Suppose we have gone to watch a movie and liked it very much.
After we come back and meet a friend and tell him about the movie. Invariably, our first sentence would be
The Movie is Very Good.
What have we done?
We have given a CERTIFICATE; a JUDGMENT about the movie.
Think a little, are we really authorized to give the Judgment or a Certificate?
What if we would have said “I LIKED THE MOVIE”.
What difference will it make?
Though, prima facie, it might look very similar but makes a huge difference in our approach and understanding.
In the first case where we had formed a Judgment & given a Certificate
We are very firm in our opinion and are not ready to accept if someone says that he movie is bad.
In that case, we might feel that the other has no sense of movies at all. He does not even know what a good movie is.
In this case there is a high probability of entering into an argument because he thinks differently.
You would have seen people like good friends & relatives entering into heated arguments on politics. Two people support two different parties; and they try to prove that their opinion is right.
Good friends & relatives are fighting for the political parties and the irony is that the leaders of these parties do not even know that.
We are only spoiling our relations with our good friends and relatives.
In second case where we had given our opinion
We have said “I liked the movie”. That means, only given our opinion, our point of view.
Not a Certificate or a Judgment.
If we analyze internally in our own core, we would observe that there is enough open space available to accept & accommodate the other’s opinion, even if it is different from ours.
Analyze our language pattern
If we closely analyze our common language pattern, we would observe that making Judgments and giving Certificates is our common practice.
Very frequently we use the sentences like the tea is good, coffee is bad, this person is good, dress is good, plant is bad etc. etc.
Big Reason for unhappiness among couples
Making Judgments & Giving Certificate is one of the major reasons of unhappiness among couples.
Compared to all our relatives & friends, we spend maximum time with our spouse.
I have commonly observed during marriage counseling that as the marriage grows older, couples either don’t have any common topic to discuss because they have different point of views and remain silent;
or enter into heated argument on every small issue they interact.
People may think differently based on their personality types.
We have seen in my last blog Happy Marriage: 1. RESPECT THE DIFFERENCES; that it is very natural for people to think & behave differently based on their Personality Types.
RECOMMENDATION 2: DON’T BE JUDGMENTAL
My second recommendation for a Happy Marriage is:
DO NOT BE JUDGMENTAL
Do an experiment for 2 weeks.
Change your language consciously.
Instead of using the words “Good” or “Bad”; start using the words “I Like” or “I Don’t Like”.
You will observe that you are becoming more and more open to accommodate the point of view of your spouse, even if he/she is different.
As a result your marriage life will be full of happiness & a fulfilling experience.
I will come up with my next recommendation in my next blog.
MERE HUMSAFAR TRAINING
You may attend Mere Humsafar, one day training workshop for couples to make their Love Life & Married Life a happy & a life-long fulfilling experience.
This training covers the following aspects:
- Know yourself. There is a psychometric test to know about your personality.
- Know your sweetheart.
- Understand your sweetheart.
As a result of the training, you will experience that ACCEPTING HIM/ HER THE WAY HE/SHE WILL BE AUTOMATIC.
You may visit our website and attend our other TRAINING WORKSHOPS.
Marriage Counseling & Pre-Marital Counseling
We also provide Relationship counseling sessions for Married Couples and for those who are seeing each other.
Choose the Right Life Partner
If you are not married yet and are looking for a right life partner, we can help you, through psychometric testing, training & counseling, to select the right life partner and enlighten you as to how to handle the differences.
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I shall try to take it up in my future communications.
Wish you a very Happy Married Life;
With love & regards,
Dr. Pankaj Gupta