For Happy Marriage, you have seen in my last blog Increase Happiness in Your Relationships, that there is only one rule
UNDERSTAND THE OTHER AND ACCEPT THE WAY HE/SHE IS
To implement this rule in our life,
Recommendation-1 :Respect The Differences
“It is not necessary that the other is always wrong; he might be different”.
As a marriage counselor, I have experienced very common reason of unhappiness in married life and that is
THE ONE WHO DOES NOT THINK/ BEHAVE LIKE ME, IS WRONG.
Let us understand from an example.
During the counseling session, wife would say that I love my husband so much, I care for him. Therefore, I call him to know if he has reached office on time; has he taken his lunch on time; what shall I cook in the dinner; what time will he come back from work so that I can keep the dinner hot and ready for him.
But he does not understand my feelings. He does not care for me. He keeps on scolding me for one or the other reasons. Full day I work like a servant and get his scolding. My life has become hell.
On the contrary, husband would say that my wife disturbs me by calling every now and then in the office. She doubts me that I am with some girl in the office and hence she checks by calling. She shows that she loves me but she always wants to keep me in her cage.
You can understand that how busy we are in the office? If I do not pick up her call, she feels that I am sitting with some girl and hence not taking her call.
She does not understand that office does not pay me to sit idle. After a tiring day, when I reach home, she starts shouting and fighting. My life has become hell.
The Important Question
Who is RIGHT and Who is WRONG?
Wife feels that the husband is wrong and husband feels that the wife is wrong.
This very impression about the other becomes an important reason of unhappiness in their relationships.
I have seen couples fighting in the courts of law for years together, just to prove that the other is wrong.
We can see from the above example that no one is wrong. They both are different. Their personality types are different and hence they behave differently.
But unfortunately, we have been conditioned from the childhood that the one who does not think like me, who does not behave likes me is wrong.
We respect the physical differences but not the psychological
I tell them that not only your thinking and behavior are different, but your physical bodies are also different. However, you do not say that the other’s body is wrong.
On the contrary, you love & respect the physical differences and hence give birth to a new baby; a new life.
Your creativity is at the climax.
Similarly, if both of you respect the psychological differences, instead of fighting with each other, you can be complementary to each other and can be very creative.
Both of you together can become a team and encounter any challenges which might be there in life.
You married life can become a loving & fulfilling experience.
Variety is the spice of life
If you see around in the nature, you can experience that nature loves variety. Nature produces variety of flowers, fruits, animals, birds and so on.
Why can’t we accept the differences?
RESPECT THE DIFFERENCES AND ENJOY A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.
I will come up with the next suggestion in my next blog.
MERE HUMSAFAR TRAINING
Mere Humsafar is one day training workshop specially designed for couples keeping in mind as to how their love life & married life be made happy & a life-long fulfilling experience.
This training covers the following aspects:
- Know yourself. There is a psychometric test to know about your personality.
- Know your sweetheart.
- Understand your sweetheart.
As a result of the training, you will experience that ACCEPTING HIM/ HER THE WAY HE/SHE IS WILL BE AUTOMATIC.
You may visit our website and attend our other TRAINING WORKSHOPS.
Marriage Counseling & Pre-Marital Counseling
We also provide Relationship counseling sessions for Married Couples and for those who are seeing each other.
Choose the Right Life Partner
If you are not married yet and are looking for a right life partner, we help you, through psychometric testing, to select the right life partner and enlighten you as to how to handle the differences.
If you have any queries, please Sign Up our Discussion Forum and post your query there.
Dr. Pankaj Gupta